Breaking through the comfort points.

By Angela Dunn.

 

Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters; I didn’t create these characters apart from one or two that are mentioned in passing. I haven’t seen all the episodes of M*A*S*H and none from the first three seasons so I am guessing how they may react and what they may say. If I got it wrong I am sorry.   The characters where created by Richard Hooker and Fox and are owned by Fox. I am not making a profit out of this so don’t sue me, this was done for fun by a fan. This is based AFTER the exits of Trapper, Henry and Frank, After the arrivals of  BJ, Sherman and Charles but BEFORE the departure of Radar. Understand-good.

 

Part one-screams in the night.

 

It had been a busy week at the 4077th M*A*S*H unit. Busier than normal, casualties from the fighting had been pouring in and now everyone was physically and mentally exhausted. Radar O’ Riley was no exception. He had gone above and beyond the call of his duties as Company clerk, handing out juice and sandwiches to the doctors and Nurses, filling in requisitions and other pieces of paperwork and trying to help keep patients calm. Now he could finally get some rest. He settled down in his Cot with his treasured cuddly bear and soon fell into a deep slumber.

 

The peace and quiet was disturbed by simultaneous screaming. BJ Hunnicuttt heard it first. He had not been able to get to sleep. “Hawkeye was that you?” he asked. He turned over but his fellow swamp mate was fast asleep. Not for much longer as another simultaneous scream sounded out into the dark Korean night. “Argh what’s wrong” asked the resident pranksters of the 4077^th. Klinger who was on guard duty came running into the swamp. “Sirs Come quickly, that sounded like Radar” he exclaimed.

“Their was two people screaming though” said BJ as both him and Hawkeye were pulling on boots and robes. “OH MY GOD, DONALD PLEASE NOOOO!” The three of them looked at each other and in one voice said “Margaret!”

 

Radar awoke with a start. He had suffered from the same nightmare ever since he had received that dreadful message. He reached for his cuddly bear and hugged it tightly to try and stop himself from shaking. There was a soft knock on the door followed closely by BJ. “Hey” BJ said softly “you okay?” good grief he looks as though he has seen a ghost he thought as he watched Radar on the bed biting his bottom lip trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to roll down his face. “Want to talk about it that must have been some nightmare?” Radars response was to burst into tears.

 

Meanwhile Hawkeye was knocking on the door of Major M Hollihan. He could hear her crying softly, she sounded terrified and that was making Hawkeye anxious. “Hey Margaret can I Come in?” He didn’t wait for a response and walked in. “I heard you shouting, are you okay?” she answered him by crying even harder. He walked over, carefully avoiding her laundry and sat down on her bed. He took her in his arms and held her for a long time. It was going to be a long night.

 

BJ was having that exact same thought. Radar was in hysterical floods of tears which was really unlike him. BJ was considering finding something to calm him down but for now he was trying the soothing words and rubbing Radars back method. Eventually Radar stopped crying. “Thanks Beej” he muttered. “Feel like telling me what that was all about. I might be able to help.” BJ said.

“I guess so sir” Radar muttered “I keep on having this nightmare about Henry. Remember when we all got interviewed before?”  BJ nodded his head. Radar had seemed quieter then normal after he had been interviewed. “Well he asked me what memories I would take home with me from this place and all I Could think about was the day Henry left. I knew I was going to miss him but he was going home you know. Only he never made it, I had to tell everyone that and try to carry on as normal. Only I can’t, I keep on having this nightmare. I see him in the chopper in his new suit and then I see it being shot down and spinning and, and” Radar couldn’t finish his sentence.  He took a deep breath “I didn’t tell anyone this but I had to write home to his family with the news.”

BJ was stunned. “Oh my God, I have no idea what to say. That’s awful!”

Radar shock his head “it should have been Tokyo but it got passed on to me and Major Burns. No way was I going to let him do it.”

“Geez” was all BJ Could manage. He thought of what would happen if anything happened to him whilst he was away from home. He felt a new sense of appreciation for Radar as well as a sense of uselessness. He had no idea of what to say or do. They both sat their wrapped up in their private thoughts for a long time.

 

Hawkeye was not having such a great time himself. He was simply stunned by what Margaret had told him.

“I shouldn’t have told you. It’s my problem and I will deal with it.” She insisted determinedly.

“Like hell you will. They can’t get away with it, those creeps are going down. Who else knows what happened?” Hawkeye asked. He was way beyond angry. When people messed about with his friends or family he took it personally and there would be hell to pay.

“I only told you. I don’t know about them.  Anyway what can you do? Coronal Potter may over look your escapades but you’re already in trouble with Flagg. Don’t be stupid for heavens sake.” She pleaded with him.

“I don’t care. I really don’t give a damn about what Flagg thinks. His an idiot. Besides are you going to let them get away with it because I am not willing to?” He said.

“You’re insane.”

“You’re heading the same way. We heard you screaming from the swamp!”

“I was not! That must have been someone else.” She said a bit to fast. They where both talking really loud now and so Hawkeye took a deep breath to calm himself down.

“It was you.” He said gently. Then off her look “well you and Radar” He admitted.

“Radar!” She said shocked.

“Oh my God. Radar!” the said together. With that Hawkeye jumped up and headed for the door. “Hey wait for me!” She called after him scrambling out of the bed and into her boots and robe. “We need to tell Coronal Potter. Oh poor kid what are we going to do?”

 

“Have you told anyone else this” BJ asked Radar. Radar shook his head. 

“Maybe you should talk to Sidney Freedman. Oh you should have said something sooner. If you have the same nightmare every night it’s bound to have an effect.” BJ said gently. “Let’s go see Coronal Potter about this. Between you and Major Hollihan his bound to be awake.”

“Now sir. Is that a good idea” Radar asked nervously.

“No time like the present” was his response.

 

 

Part two-problems for Sherman.

 

Four people. Two from the direction of Radars office, two from Major Hollihans tent. One destination. The tent of one CO Coronal Sherman Potter. The four arrived as one, each with anxious looks on their faces. Two had tear stains on their face, all dressed in robes, pyjamas and boots. They were joined by a another. A man in a dress carrying a gun. He had been called over by one very scared Major and an angry Captain. However he was on his way over anyways. The five trooped into the tent and found the CO asleep. They looked at him, then at each other then back at him.

 

“This will wait till morning “whispered Radar as he made his way to the door.

“No it wont” replied BJ as Klinger moved to block the door. BJ and Hawkeye looked at each other. “It has to be done” Whispered Hawkeye. BJ nodded. They crouched down at either side of the bed. “Oh No!” Radar said and Margaret started crying silently. It was the first time she had brought herself to look at Radar. Klinger for his part looked Confused at the spectacle before him.

 

“WAKE UP!” BJ and Hawkeye shouted. It had the desired effect as Sherman shot up in his bed. He looked around, found his glasses and brought the group into sight.  “Whatever it is can it not wait in till later?” he asked.

“Yes” muttered Radar.

“No” said the other four.  Sherman sighed. He had a feeling he was going to regret asking but he did anyways, “What’s wrong?”

 

All five responded at once.

 

“Sophie’s got lose and has gone on the rampage by the kitchens. She’s already caused chaos by the latrines.” Was Klingers Contribution.

“We need to get Sidney over here. Radars been having some pretty horrific nightmares. He woke me up screaming” Said BJ.

“It’s really nothing sir, just a few nightmares.” Said Radar.

“My ex, so called husband is just causing a few problems, not just for you but for Radar to.” Said Margaret.

“I have a strong urge to kill that idiot Flagg, his up to his dumb ass tricks with Pernofscott

 

Sherman Potter really regretted asking! “Sophie, nightmares, Sidney, Flagg, pernoffscott hat!?” was everyone’s various response.

 

“Okay, one at a time! Klinger first!” said Sherman trying to restore some order.

   “Sophie’s got lose and has gone on the rampage by the kitchens. She’s already caused chaos by the latrines.” He repeated.

“Well, go catch her then!” Sherman said.

“I tried. Zale tried. Igor tried. We eventually caught her but she got lose again. Zale and some of the enlisted men are trying to catch her but she won’t keep still. She’s walking funny to and she’s got a liking for the food here!” Klinger reported.

 

“At least someone appreciates it” Potter mused. “Okay keep going after her but if any harm Comes to her it’s on your head! Try using an apple and go find Winchester and get him to give her this.” With that he walked over to his footlocker, rummaged around it and produced a syringe. “This should calm her down. Mildred sent some from home just in case.” He sighed.

“Um sir. Where should he administer it?” Klinger asked.

“Where do you think? Where his a pain-in her butt!!” Potter responded as he passed it over. Klinger smiled as he took it, he was going to enjoy watching Major Charles Emerson Winchester the third inject Sophie. He exited to find the doctor in question “oh Klinger” Sherman’s voice called out. Klinger stopped and turned around. “No else is to disturb me tonight COmprende?” “Yes sir” Klinger responded as he exited the tent.

 

“Right whose next?” Potter asked. The two swamp inhabitants looked at each other, then at Margaret then at Radar whom had grown paler at the memory of his nightmare. Potter looked at the all and felt a real need for a stiff drink. He stated so and everyone else but Radar agreed. “Let’s go over to my office for one” Sherman suggested. Or several he thought sadly to himself.

 

The short walk between Potters sleeping quarters and his office was oddly silent. That was until Charles indignant voice filled the air waking everyone else up. “You want me to inject whom? With What? Never!”

“You have to. Oh come on just this once. Please Winchester just do it.” Was Klingers reply. Nurse Kellye whom had been caught unawares between the battle of Sophie and the latrine was struggling along side Klinger, Igor, Zale and a bunch of other Corpsmen. She soon ended that particular argument when she accidentally on purpose stomped on Winchesters foot. This caused Winchester to fall forwards and luckily the needle went in the right place.  Another not so gentle stomp on his foot as provided by Zale brought home the message to Winchester whom did the appropriate actions to administer the Contents of the syringe. This however caught Sophie by surprise as she bolted forward again. Unfortunately in the opposite direction of her paddock. The group chased her to make her go in the right direction where she came to a halt and calmed down.  She eventually allowed Klinger to take her back home where she laid down to sleep of the effects of the sedative much to everyone’s relief. However Klinger also noticed someone else in there. Holy Toledo! This is a turn out for the books. It’s just going to be one of them weeks. He thought but what’s he doing in here? With that he went to find Sherman. He will know what to do! I hope! Klinger left quietly-he did not want to around with him there.

 

Someone else knew the identity of the person in Sophie’s Paddock. And he was going to add to Radars problems. If he was not in the need of the services of Doctor Sidney Freedman before he sure as hell would be needing them soon. Coronal Potter was having a hard time believing what he was seeing. Margaret Hollihan was yet again in tears. She was about to explain what was happening but managed as far as “his back” before bursting into the human equivalent of Niagara Falls. “Who is?” said Sherman at this point completely lost.

“Coronal Flagg” Said Hawkeye

“Donald” said Margaret.

 

 

Part three-the three loons!

Klinger came bursting through the door like a bat out of hell. “Sir I know you don’t want disturbing but you are not going to believe who I found in Sophie’s paddock.”

“At this point I will believe anything “was Coronal Potter’s weary response.

“How’s about if I said Frank Burns?”

“Ferret face. This night is just getting even better!” was BJs sarcastic response.

“Frank. Frank is here? Now? In Sophie’s Paddock?” was Margaret’s response before Collapsing into a chair.  Radar followed suit only the wall and then the floor was his place of choice. He gulped before saying “so we have three extra personnel in camp sir!” he muttered Confused.

“It would appear so.  BUT WHY?!” Said Coronal Potter

“Where are we going to put them all” Radar said. He didn’t have long to Contemplate the problem as there was the sounds of gun fire. All six people in Coronal Potters office rushed out to the door in Radars office. With three people not known for being smart about it did not sound promising. That was reinforced when people started screaming.

 

They found the source of the ruckus in the swamp. It was not a pretty sight either. Coronal Flagg and Frank Burns where stood aiming guns at each other. Frank looked pretty messed up he had cuts and bruises all over him. Donald pernoffscott under the influence of way too much alcohol . In his right hand he held a rabbit’s Corpse. In his left hand he had a headless chicken that he was using to smear blood on his face. The sight of this was too much for Radar and he passed out into the arms of Hawkeye and BJ.  Charles was stood outside the swamp with Nurse kelleye whom was looking at his arm.

“Just who are those three imbeciles in there” Charles was asking.

“The messed up one Frank Burns, the one with the animals is Donald Pernofscott. hey both had relations with the lovely Major Hollihan. The other one in the uniform is Coronal Flagg. I bet any money he was the one who shot you.” Klinger explained quietly. “What I want to know is what the hell they are doing in there, in fact here?!”

That was a question everyone wanted answers to. However they still had to deal with the situation at hand. They somehow managed to get away without anyone else getting hurt and ran into Radars office. (BJ carried Radar who was still out Cold.)

“Anyone know if those things are loaded?” Someone asked.

“Well they are Pierce and Honeycutt’s.” Charles provided.

“Mine isn’t. You all know how much I hate them things” Hawkeye provided.

“Neither is mine now. It only had one bullet in. Lucky we stored the ammo elsewhere after what happened last time Frank had a gun in there” BJ provided as he carefully laid Radar down on the bed.

“Okay what about yours Charles.” Hawkeye asked.

“Its loaded but they would have to actually get my footlocker open first.” With that he moved his dog tags to reveal the key on a chain.

“No wonder I Couldn’t find the key!” Hawkeye exclaimed.

“Okay ladies and schoolboys let’s find out what we can work out. If anyone has any idea what the hells happening START TALKING!” Potter said.

They All looked at each other; there was quite a crowd in the office now. Margaret finally spoke up.

 

“Donald was in my tent earlier. I was asleep and he woke me up Coming in. he had this manic look in his eyes and was carrying these animals with him. He said they came from the cages, Radars I guess, and he killed them with his bare hands. That’s when I lost it and started screaming. He told me that he missed me, loved me even and that he was going to get me back one way or another. Then there was a disturbance outside and he ran out. Oh my God, Oh my God” she kept mumbling to herself. Hawkeye gently give her a hug and eased her into a chair. Sherman passed her a shot of whiskey. Everyone looked shaken so he dolled out some for everyone. 

 

Hawkeye spoke up next. “Well I, Beej and Klinger heard her screaming so I went over to her tent whilst Beej came over here. Radar was screaming to. On my way over I saw Flagg hiding in some bushes. I thought it would be best to ignore him; maybe I was wrong though if his holding a gun at Franks head. There was someone else in the bushes to but I didn’t see who.”

 

“It can’t have been Frank. I found him asleep in Sophie’s paddock. He looked a mess but I thought he got transferred home. Anyways I didn’t want to be seen by him. His crazier than me so I came to find you sir.” Klinger inputted.

 

Winchester spoke up next. “After suffering the indignanty of administering the Contents of that syringe into that creature I went to the officers club. I went looking for a drop of something better than the swill in the swamp. Of Course I was out of luck but I stayed anyway. Well father Macully was slaughtering the simply wonderful”

 

“Get on with it Winchester!” Sherman said

“Very well I decided to go back to the swamp and there I discovered them three idiots. To think that one of them was laid in my bed to! I was on my way to get someone to remove them and I got shot for my trouble!” Winchester Concluded.

 

“How about you Kellye. What where you doing walking about?” Margaret asked, she had regained her Composure and was in head Nurse mode again.

 

“I Couldn’t get to sleep. I was a bit shaken from what happened with your horse sir” She looked at Sherman sheepishly and quickly continued. “I went for a walk, to see the animals. Animals calm me down but it was a mess around the cages. I know Radar loves them and wouldn’t leave them like that. I was going to find someone to help me tidy it up before he found the state it was in before I took my shift in post op. then as I was walking back to my tent I heard the gun fire. Major Winchester was shouting so I go to see if he was hurt. I saw he was bleeding in his arm so I went to go and help him. Then I noticed Major Burns in one of the beds and the other two men are talking. Then it all got heated and everyone’s pointing guns at each other. That’s when you all came along.” She Concluded.

 

“So what are we going to do sir?” Klinger asked.

“Winchester how is your arm?” Sherman asked.

“He has just grazed it, lucky it doesn’t even need stitches.” BJ Concluded, he had been looking at Charles arm whilst Kellye had been talking.

“How’s Radar?” asked Margaret   curious.

As she said it, she got her answer. Radar came through literally kicking and screaming “HENRY” He shouted at the top of his voice.

“Awake” Concluded a wincing Hawkeye as he and BJ moved to calm Radar.

“Hey easy now, how are you feeling?” BJ asked.

Radar took a deep breath “Okay I guess” He responded. He was obviously shaken and slightly Confused. They did not look Convinced but there were other problems to deal with.

“Kellye are you okay to do your shift?” Potter asked.

“Yes sir, I will go now” She responded. She exited to relieve Nurse Able. On Nurse Able way out she pointed out a patient she was worried about. It was Winchesters patient so he went to check and Complete the rounds in the post op.

 

Part four-Frank, Pernoffscot and Radars zoo.

 

What are we going to do with them three? Sherman asked himself. He had sent Klinger to report on the situation in the swamp. Klinger had found them asleep and wisely decided to remove the guns off them. He also checked for signs of life, they where all still breathing and there was no bleeding anywhere so he went back to report what he saw. Everyone was still none the wiser why they where all there so Potter put in a call to Core. They where equally as clueless so he then decided to ask the three men in question.

 

“Are you sure that’s wise sir?” asked Radar.

The others had the same Concerns. However his mind would not be changed.

“In that case I am coming with you” Radar announced much to everyone’s surprise.

“If the little guy is then I am to” Said Hawkeye.

“Besides it’s our tent there in, I want to see what carnage they caused to my stuff” BJ added.

“Me to, I want to know what’s going on.”

“You’re all crazy, heck that’s my speciality!” Klinger said.

 

So they all trooped over to the swamp. As Klinger previously noted they where all in dreamland. However as they stood looking Frank awoke.

“Its okay, there under sedation” he said in way of a greeting.

 

“Sedated. Frank what the hell in Macarthur’s Army is going on here!” asked Sherman.

“It’s a long story” Frank said as he gingerly stood up and dusted himself off. “How’s the Major that was shouting and who is he?”

“His fine. That was Major Winchester he is your replacement” Radar said as he Cowered behind his CO. Frank had always made Radar feel nervous and tonight was no exception. However his eyes picked that moment to rest on Donald and the sight made him feel very angry. He walked over and picked up the remains of the animals. He looked at him and muttered “Its Blake and flossy.” he then did something else distinctly unlike Radar. He kicked dirt into the face of Donald and then ran out of the swamp. He was seen running in the direction of his precious animals. Everyone looked stunned. Hawkeye was the first to find his voice. “Blake?” he asked. “Well he has been having nightmare about Henry” BJ said softly.

Frank cleared his throat. “I was to late to stop them” he stated.

“Who?” asked Sherman.

“Flagg. He was hiding in the bushes. He took them from the cages and then passed them onto Donald. I tried to catch them before they reached your tent.” He said looking directly at Margaret. “I almost managed it. I got a punch in before someone grabbed me. It was Flagg. I screamed before it went all black. I woke up in the horses’ paddock” he revealed.

 

At that point Donald began to wake up.

“Quick what happened then?” Margaret asked.

I went to find you to see if you where okay. I passed by the animals” his face palled. “One of the Nurses was there and it was in a total mess. Totally unmilitary. She left and I went on to your tent. However Flagg Collared me again.”

Donald was now alert. He leapt to his feet and lunged at Frank grabbing a fist full of his shirt. BJ and Klinger, who were the closest to the pair, stepped in between them and Frank Collapsed on the floor. Everyone else moved out of the way which caused Hawkeye to trip over Margaret sending them both flying towards the still.  Klinger felt an urge to hit Donald so he did, hard in the chin which sent him flying into Flagg.

“Everyone okay?” asked Sherman as he offered a hand to Margaret..

“Yeah” They all responded apart from Frank and Donald. Frank had fallen hard onto his arm and was busy Concentrating on not calling out in pain. Donald had turned an interesting shade , almost purple, “I am going to have you Court marshalled for that Corporal” He shouted angrily.

“It would be worth it” Klinger spat back.

 

Sherman had had enough. “Right” he shouted. “Donald go wait in my office. I will be along soon. Klinger can you escort Frank to Major Winchester. I want him checked out. Don’t worry his Competent surgeon as you will soon discover. Then I want you to call Sidney Freedman.  On second thoughts Donald I will escort you over myself.” He turned to Margaret “I suspect you wont want to go back to your tent tonight.” She looked vulnerable like a small child and very scared. “Go stay in mine tonight. You look exhausted.”

“With all due respect I want to know what is going on Coronal” she responded.

“Don’t we all” he muttered to himself.

 

Meanwhile Radar had been found by Father Macully who took him back to Radars office. The resident spiritual advisor had found him by his animals in a right state. Radar had been stood staring with an utterly distraught look on his face. The last time the Padre had seen Radar like this was when he had delivered the news of Henrys death. However at least he was talking then, now Radar was just sat rocking on his bed staring into space. Not even a grape neih had gotten a response out of him. It had remained untouched. The padre had taken to pacing when Klinger had walked though the office into the post op. he had been with a man that looked suspiciously like Frank Burns. The father’s Confusion grew when Coronal Potter had stormed into his office shortly followed by BJ and Hawkeye dragging Donald PenofsCOt. He give up trying to understand when Coronal Flagg was came crashing through the door onto the floor. This was followed mini seconds later by a boot on the end of a leg. The leg, much to the padre’s relief, was followed by its owner-Major Hollihan. Klinger then came out of post op, assessed the situation and dragged Flagg into the COS office. Major Hollihan walked into post op and returned with the Frank Burns look alike and Major Winchester. They all walked silently into Sherman’s office. Father Macully watched all this, looked at Radar and began to pray.

 

In Potters office everyone was silently cursing. Potter was sat behind his desk pouring himself yet another very stiff drink. Klinger was stood guard at the door and would once in a while open it to peek out into Radars office. He was worried about Radar and the Father was obviously not having any success. Frank was stood in front of the desk, also with a drink which he was nervously sipping. Margaret was pacing the same area of the floor in front of BJ and Hawkeye whom where perched by the window. Donald was stood in the Corner, well away from everyone else and Flagg had been propped up by the filling cabinet. Winchester was checking how he was. Thankfully he was still sedated. It was not a Comfortable atmosphere in the office and everyone was beginning to get edgy.

 

“Okay Frank you want to Continue with what you where saying before.” Sherman asked.

 

“Well Flagg attacked me again but this time I managed to get away. I looked in Margaret’s tent but by this time she was gone. So I went to the Swamp. I was loosing my nerve and I kind of hoped the still was still there. Urgh that Concoction was just as awful as I remembered it to be. “ Despite themselves everyone who had tasted it smiled. It was horrid stuff. “I was deciding what to do next when Donald came in. I panicked and ran.”

“Coward. Is it any wonder she picked me over you!” Donald sneered.

“Shut up!” Everyone else said. He shrugged and sat down on the floor.

 

“I ran to supply. I was on auto pilot, I don’t know why I picked there though. Then I spotted the sedatives and got an idea. On my way back I noticed them 2 having an argument. Flagg had gotten hold of some more animals.” Frank shuddered involuntarily. ”Another rabbit and chicken. They went into the swamp and I followed them. Only I got as far as my old bed and I Collapsed. I came through and there was Flagg and Donald going through the footlockers. It went all crazy and there was a lot of yelling from outside. I don’t know how but I found myself attacking Flagg who had  Honeycutt’s gun. Donald is trying to fire Pierces sidearm at me so I turn round and took it of him. Flagg fired the one he had and then someone started shouting “who are you?” I aim the gun I had at Flagg and his aiming one at me and that’s when all you lot came in” Frank stopped and took a gulp of his drink. Then he muttered “I thought it was all over but then you left. I Couldn’t believe it! I then had to tackle Flagg again. I had some help, one of the enlisted men, the Cook I think, was walking past. Well that distracted Flagg long enough to give him the sedative. After that he “ he turned round and scowled at Donald “he was easy. Maybe he had drunk too much and was just sat there. I sedated him and got another drink from the still” he Concluded lamely. He looked exhausted and was shaking slightly. Margaret unexpectedly walked over to Donald, hoisted him to his feet and shoved him against the wall.

 

“That true?” She asked him a really angry look on her face.  He simply nodded. He had the grace to look ashamed. “Why you son of a bitch Why!?” she asked as she flung him back on the floor.

 

Part five a surprise phone call from a old friend.

 

Everyone was digesting what they had been told by Frank and Margaret silently. Just then the phone rang making them jump. Coronal Potter answered the phone.

“Hello Mash 4077^th Coronal Potter speaking.”

“Thank God I finally got through. Listen is everything okay there. HEY why didn’t Radar answer?” The caller asked.

“Who is this?”

“John Macintyre. I used to serve there before I got discharged. Hum I guess you’re the new CO. Could you put Radar on please?” John was sounding Anxious and slightly frustrated.

“His err otherwise indisposed.”

“How about Hawkeye or Major Hollihan? Its important. Frank Burns has gone missing. We think he has gone looking for them.”

“His right here”

“Oh lord. Is everyone okay? Please tell me he got there before Donald. Can you put Hawkeye on please?” The caller sounded desperate. Against his better judgement Sherman handed the phone out to Hawkeye.

“Hawkeye, caller for you!”

“Who is it?” Hawkeye asked Confused.

“John Macintyre.” The CO responded.

“TRAPPER!” was the response of Klinger, Margaret, Hawkeye and Frank. Hawkeye took the phone.

“Hi Trapper”

“Hi Hawk. Listen something crazy is about to happen. Crazier than we Could have ever Cooked up. Did He say Franks there? Holy Smokes! Listen he went missing, charging after Donald Pernofscot. Hot lips is in for a nasty shock”

“Trapper, that’s old news. Pernofscott went on the rampage with a bunch of animals. Frank was too late to stop him.”

“He was not. That was only phrase one.”

“Trapper start making sense. What do you mean phrase one.”

“What happened up there?”

Hawkeye quickly filled him in.

“Whoa check Donald is still there”

“Yeah he is why?”

“Yeah. Great when you get of the phone you need to check his pockets. “

“What on earth. Why?”

“You will see. It will all become clear. He lost his mind since his wife left him. Hold On ….

Margaret Jesus Christ he means Major Hollihan as his wife! Right you will also probably need to get some M.PS up there pronto. You will soon see why!”

“Trapper you big lug how do you know this?”

“I got stuck working with them both. Long story. I will explain when I get there!”

“Get there. Here! Trapper where are you?”

“Tokyo airport. Listen My flights due to be called”

“Right. Well see you soon”

“See you soon”

With that they both hung up. He looked at Frank who seemed to know what was about to happen. As did Donald and Flagg both of who tried to make a run for it. They didn’t get very far. Charles and Margaret Got hold of Flagg whilst Klinger and Frank got hold of Donald. Hawkeye started searching Donald’s pockets whilst shouting “Call the M.PS. Call the damn M.PS!” Potter looked at the scene and decided to follow the shouted instructions. Watching Hawkeye search Donald, BJ followed suit and did the same with Flagg. Hawkeye pulled out an envelope and a grenade out of Donald’s pocket, the grenade was quickly handed to Sherman, whilst BJ wrestled a needle of Flagg.  The envelope was addressed to Margaret . The two being searched struggled against the officers at the 4077^th and put up a good fight. There was lots of Confusion and shouting. To add to the Confusion Father Macully walked in with some M.PS who had apparently been on the way over anyways.

 

“Apparently someone called these gentleman” The padre announced. He then took in the scene . What a scene it was to. It was absolute chaos. Just to add to it Radar picked that moment to start realising hidden emotions. He let out  good long scream and started punching the walls. Using the fact that the 4077^th bunch was distracted Donald and Flagg wriggled free and ran for the door. This time they where more successful. The group assembled looked at each other and BJ and Hawkeye ran into Radars office. Potter said simply to the M.PS. “Get them two idiots!” they ran out after Donald and Flagg. They eventually caught up with them at an abandoned aid station three miles later.

 

Part six-In Radars office.

 

“Whoa easy, easy “BJ said as he ducked. He narrowly avoided a cup. He and Hawkeye where trying to talk to Radar but so far where not having much luck. That was because the little guy was in quite a rage.

“Why? The one thing that districts me from this place and they go ruin it. Why?” He kicked the waste paper basket. “Henry left and well it just isn’t fair!” he backed up this point by slamming his desk draw shut. He then turned to Hawkeye and BJ “he was the closest thing I had to a father”. He finally wore himself out and Collapsed onto his Cot. He picked up his cuddly bear a flung it at the dividing door between his office and the COS office. Those remaining inside the office had crowded round the door but with the cuddly bear being thrown backed up and shut the door quickly. However Hawkeye caught the bear and took it back over to Radar. “Wow! Where did that Come from?” He asked Radar. Radar was breathing so heavily he couldn’t answer. “Listen to me. There is nothing wrong with the way your feeling. I felt exactly the same way when my Mom died”

Radar had finally caught his breath back.

“Its just not fair! He was going home ya know, he never hurt anyone and look where that got him!”

BJ quickly assessed the room for anything else that could be thrown. He then approached cautiously. “I never knew Henry but from what iv been told he was a wonderful person. I’m so sorry. However you shouldn’t let it all build up, its just not healthy. You should have said something before now.” He sat down next to him, Hawkeye on the other side of him.  That seemed to have a calming influence on him.

“Yeah Beej is right. Next time there’s something bothering you talk to someone about it.”

 Radar took a deep breath to steady himself. “I tried. I started to so many times but the words just wouldn’t Come out. I knew what I wanted to say but I Couldn’t get it out. It was the same when I had to write home to his family.  I started so many times…..” He drifted off. “I thought about just letting Major Burns do it but I knew it would just get passed back to me. Besides it annoyed me the way he just slid in there and took over so easily. It was like he didn’t care!” From inside the other office there was a gasp and sounds of shock. Radar felt numb and strangely tired. Hawkeye and BJ exchanged a look. They both had the same thought. He shouldn’t be left alone tonight. But he doesn’t look like he would make it out of here with out being carried. With that Hawkeye and BJ Shouted together

“Klinger!”

Klinger put his head through door, saw Radar was calm and walked in.

“Yes sirs?” He said, his head tilted in enquiry.

“What state is the Swamp in?” Hawkeye asked.

What a strange question..they where there to. He thought Ah that’s not what they are asking, they want to stay relatively close to the little guy He finally answered “Well personally I wouldn’t sleep in there. And I have slept in some right dumps.”

Coronal Potter and the others walked in. “What you two thinking” he asked.

“I can’t face tidying it now. Can you” He asked BJ.

“Nope I am ready to crash right here” His bunky replied.

“I’m sure Charles feels the same” Hawkeye said. Charles had come in for Coffee when Klinger walked in. “Agreed” He said as he pulled a face at the taste of it.

“And we have to accommodate Frank tonight and possibly Sidney and Trapper too.” BJ pointed out. “ Plus , Correct me if I am wrong but by the sounds of It Margaret’s tent isn’t much better tonight. Anyone have any suggestions of where we can bunk down for the night!”

Margaret Yawned. “post op. That’s empty now, we bussed out almost everyone apart from the Korean twins and Charles chest case.” She said.

“Suits me. I have rounds to do in” BJ checked his watch “Four hours”

Hawkeye also yawned. “No arguments here!”

With that the current and ex swamp rats and the head Nurse walked into post op, surprising both Kellye and the patients. They promptly Collapsed on the available beds and fell asleep. The others watched the group go through apart from Radar who had feel into a deep sleep. “I suggest that we try to get some sleep to” Sherman said to the padre. That’s what they did.

 

Part seven the next morning.

 

 

It was a strange sight that met Nurses Able, Kellye and Baker the next morning. They where on the way to the showers when they saw the jeeps Come in. Three jeeps to be precise. “We are not expecting any Brass are we?” Asked Nurse Baker. “I don’t think so. Major Hollihan would have said something wouldn’t she? Besides is that not someone in a straight Jacket” Said Kellye. “Oh My that’s Captain Macintyre with Major Freidman!” Exclaimed Nurse Able.  Indeed it was. Coronal Flagg had been brought back in a jeep with a M.P. Donald Pernofscott had been escorted back in the second Jeep, Complete with straight jacket by another three M.PS and the third jeep was driven by Trapper John and a sleeping Sidney Friedman. They had all met each other at a road block and had been forced to go the long way around.  “Well I am sure it will become apparent what’s going on around here when we are meant to know” Commented Kellye. “Like we will ever know what’s happening around here!” Joked Nurse Able and with that the trio headed for their planned shower. On the way they passed the swamp were Igor, Zale and Klinger were busy cleaning it up after the previous night activity. They had just finished in Their COS office and Radars office. After that they where going to clean up Major Hollihans tent. Inside the swamp Klinger was struggling to set up another two Cots for Frank and John, “Its alive!” he Commented as he freed himself for the three^-D time in a minute much to the amusement of his Companions.

 

The jeeps where met by Radar, Margaret and the four resident surgeons. Wordlessly Trapper and Sidney followed BJ and Hawkeye into Sherman’s office. Radar carried there stuff over to there respective guest rooms. Margaret escorted the others over to the Mess tent where the grateful M.PS grabbed something to eat. That was till they ate it! “What is this stuff, its fowl” Commented one, “That’s what we got told it was, goose apparently!” was Margaret’s mild reply. After a while she joined Hawkeye, Charles, BJ, Father Macully, Trapper Sidney and Sherman in his office.

 

“Captain Macintyre I assume” said Sherman.

“Not Captain anymore” he answered with a lazy grin “I left the army when I got discharged. I prefer to think of myself as a civilian helper now!” He offered his hand out to Sherman whom accepted it. He also looked Confused. “I have my own practice back home now. The army send them home and I patch them up when they get to me.” He offered with a shrug.

“I thought you said you had the misfortune of working with ferret face and Pernofscot” Hawkeye mused. He was awkward around his former best buddy since he never said goodbye.

“I do. I sometimes work with Frank at the local veteran’s hospital. Donald often ends up there” He glanced at Margaret before Continuing “ we all met at a mental institute back home!” he said looking at his feet. He did not want to see the reaction on his former workmates faces. Damn I should not have said that! He chided himself. He turned to Hawkeye “that’s why I never got in touch. I wanted to forget about this place and you got caught in the rush.” Everyone in the room stared at each other shuffling there feet awkwardly. Hawkeye in a rare moment of seriousness simply said “We’ll have to talk about that later!”

Coronal Potter cleared his throat. “Sidney there’s some people I want you to speak to” With that he motioned that Sidney and BJ should follow him out of the office. “One of them is strictly off the record for now. “ With that BJ and Sherman explained about what happened with Radar the previous night.  Afterwards Sidney looked shocked. Radar was one of the most together kids he knew. However he asked “off the record?”. Sherman nodded. “I also would, time permitting , like you to speak to our three unexpected guests we had last night. That would be on the record “ Sidney looked worried. “We are swamped with M.PS if you want some nearby . Radars over in the VIP tent waiting for you” With that Sidney left to talk to Radar. BJ and Sherman walked back into the latter’s office.

 

As BJ walked back into the office he noticed Trapper and Hawkeye looked chummy, even after was previously said. BJ glanced at his watch, they had been talking to Sidney for 15 minutes but things seemed different now. Now that Trappers back even for a few days where does that leave me? Snap out of it BJ. They where best buds when they got sent out here and I can’t claim Hawk all to myself. Its nice that they are getting on so well despite what happened. Charles noted BJs awkward look around Trapper and Hawkeye with intrest. However he also found it odd that Hawkeye had not noticed there bunkmates discomfort as did Margaret. She decided a word with BJ may be in order later.

 

“Now I have one problem solved Could you please tell me why you’re here? Sherman’s question was directed to Trapper.

“Sure. Hey where’s Frank?” He replied.

“His still asleep” Replied Margaret.

“Sounds about right. Okay basically I have been working with Frank, helping out at the veteran’s hospital. One day he received a call from Pernofscot whom was in the mental hospital. Pernofscot had mentioned bringing his girl back.” Margaret looked annoyed at that.” At any Cost.  Frank to his credit calmly asked what he meant and he mentioned Coming to Korea to bring his girl back home. Well that’s what Frank let slip later when he was drunk. Anyhow Frank came off the phone and he looked shaken. I didn’t think anything of it. That was until we are all having a drink after work and Frank asks he could have a word. Now I thought that was strange. He changed since he got out of the institute but not as much as for us to be more than work Colleagues. Anyways he shows me this letter Donald had sent him taunting him because, well I think you can all work it out a bit quicker than I did. When Frank’s wife left him they had gotten worse. It sent him back to the mental ward for a while, totally knocked him for six. It was whilst he was in there he found out that Donald’s girl actually meant  a daughter.”

“What?” Was almost everyone’s response. However Margaret was understandably angry. “He had a daughter. How old?” “Around about two years old. She was born to a Korean washer woman” Margaret now looked really upset. Whereas Hawkeye, the padre or Sherman would normally be the ones to placate her when she was mad it was Charles and BJ who put a calming hand on her shoulder. Pierce did not react at all to that, did not move forward anything, well that is a turn out for the books!” Charles thought.

“He had a daughter and didn’t tell me. She was born and existing and he never bothered to tell me she existed.” Margaret sobbed. She turned round and buried herself into the nearest person. Unfortunately for the immediate future for the friendship of Hawkeye and BJ it happened to be the latter. He dug out a tissue and put his arms round her offering some Comfort. That bugs me. His a married man and its just wrong. Hawkeye thought irrationally. It bugs me that it bugs me to! Was his next thought.

“Wait let me finish please. Trapper said. Frank also found out that Donald had this illusion that it was all going to be happy families no matter what. A few days later Frank resigned his Commission and left the hospital. He found out that Donald had broken out of his ward and was using his military Connections including Flagg to get here. Frank I guess gives chase.”

“Whoa last night you mentioned something about this only being stage one?” Sherman pointed out.

“Yeah from what I gathered you folks found out about that part oh so well last night. Well stage two involved a horse a note and a syringe. I am not too clear how the are Connected though”

“A note!” exclaimed Hawkeye.

“A syringe” remarked BJ. Then something came back to him “I took a one of Flagg last night. I put it in your desk draw during the Commotion.” Sherman checked and pulled out the aforementioned syringe out of the draw. Hawkeye produced an envelope from his pocket. “I took this of Donald last night alongside a grenade. What happened to that anyways” He asked as he tossed the note on the desk. “Oh that. It got passed on to the appropriate people. Our soldier had a visitor from his regiment last night whom took it to be destroyed.” Sherman said. “Sealed up in a box!” Margaret, seeing the envelope was addressed to her finally Composed herself and retrieved the note.  “What I don’t understand is how Flagg is involved” said the padre scratching his head.

 

“That’s easy. Donald simply told him that if he helped him then he would get proof that there was Communist sympathiser in camp. Well you the CO and Radar to be exact. He planned to hide some propaganda in a horse’s paddock.”

“ How do you know all this?” BJ asked in a neutral tone. It seems strange that he does, there has to be a logical explanation for it though. BJ thought.

Is he questioning Trappers motives or is he curious? I have to admit that I am to though. Thought Hawkeye.

“Long story cut short, he wrote it down.  I was called in to examine him one day and got a look. I was not sure what to believe but non the less I tried to get through to someone here to let them know. The postal system was to unreliable,  had no joy through official army channels. I thought about Contacting Hawkeye’s dad and seeing if he Could have any look but thought against it when the phone lines went down in crab apple Cove. By this stage both Frank and Donald had gone. I finally go some joy via the head of the veteran’s hospital that knew people and got me here. A little too late to stop any damage from happening though I guess.” He pulled up a chair and slumped gloomily into it. Everyone looked around the room not sure what to say or do or even believe in Charles and BJs cases. However Margaret used the opportunity to open the note from Donald . She had looked shaken during Trappers rendition of what had happened. In fact she was shaking so hard that BJ noticed. After reading the letter she looked horrified. She felt he knees go week and promptly then Collapsed. Lucky for her and the drinks cabinet Charles and BJ caught her in time. Sherman took one look at her and his mind was made up on a cause of action. “Go take her back to her tent and make sure she is okay.” He said to BJ. That request set Hawkeye’s teeth on edge, something that everyone else cottoned on to that time. “Hawkeye Could you find me Klinger and send him over to me. Padre could you see how Sidney is getting on and if he is finished then send him to see Frank. Charles if you would not mind checking how Frank is and then possibly accompany our guest over to the swamp. I am sure you will find something in Common. I suspect you would like to get some rest” He said to Trapper. “Now that you mention it that would be nice” He responded trying to stifle a yawn. “I just wonder where I Could get a drop of anti-freeze”

BJ chose that point to take Margaret home and Charles went into post op. everyone else however answered “the still that you helped create.”-with that they all went to there various tasks chuckling.

 

 

 

Sherman picked up Donald’s note to Margaret. It was a short and Concise note but after he glanced at it he understood Margaret’s horror. He put it down, took another belt of whiskey and then began to read it out loud softly to himself.

 

“Dear Major Hollihan

my darling I know I treated you wrong during our time of matrimony. However I am not sorry, whether or not anyone admits it all men do exactly the same thing. In fact you really have not seen anything yet. My child needs a mother and I believe you will be ideal. This is after all a reasonable request, however one way or another I know that you will see reason and agree to what I want.

Donald.”

 

He then remembered about the needle. He picked it up and looked at it. In it was a clear watery substance. He was pondering what it could be when Klinger walked in.

 

“You wanted to see me sir.” He said as he approached Sherman’s desk.

“Ah yes Klinger. First of all I want you to get into something close to a uniform. Then I have some jobs for you. I want you to take over Radars duties for a while. First I want you to go look over in Sophie paddock for anything that should not be there. COmprende?””

“Almost sir. What type of things should I be looking for that shouldn’t be there?”

“Communist propaganda”

Klinger looked puzzled. What the hell would that type of stuff be in her Paddock for. Geez it must be serious if he is trusting me to be in there! He never voiced that thought out aloud though. Instead he said: “Yes sir. May I ask a question?”

“Make it quick” Was his COS gruff reply.

“How is Radar? I never seen him act like he did last night before ever. The closest was that haunted look he had when he had to deliver the news of our former CO’S untimely death.” Klinger sounded worried.

“I feared that. To be honest I am worried about him. That’s why I want you to fill in for him whilst we find the root of that behaviour. However not a word about this to anyone!” The CO was all business.

“Yes sir” Klinger said as he exited to follow his CO’s orders.

 

Sherman picked up the needle and went back to pondering. Charles suddenly came bursting through the door , his usual angry expression on his face.

“Sir I need to talk to you!” Charles said.

Aw hell. What about this time? Sherman thought. “Winchester, what is it now?”

“Its Burns. That imbecile is trying to treat the patients. Trying being the operative word. That man has the surgical skills of a chimpanzee!” Was Winchesters reply.

Pretty good assessment Winchester though not said as eloquently as you usually put it. “Okay. I will deal with it. He can’t cause that much harm to them. However there is something you can do for me. I would like you to determine the Contents of this. Honeycutt wrestled it off Flagg last night.” Winchester took the offered needle who looked disgusted . “Enlist the services of a Nurse if you have to. I want to know ASAP got it?”

“Yes sir.” Winchester meekly said as he exited. The Coronal suspected that those unfortunate enough to be in the swamp that night would have to listen to him Complaining. However Winchester was the best man for that particular job. He got up with a sigh and went to check on Franks latest escapades.

 

 

Part Eight. Talking to Dr Freedman.

 

Over in the VIP tent Sidney was having a tough time. Radar at first had been reluctant to talk to him now the metaphorical floodgates had opened and wouldn’t close again. Sidney managed to understand what Radar was saying in between sobs. It was disturbing to watch.  It was always hard though.

 

“This place sucks. I try not to think about it. Distract myself with work and my animals but now its all messed up. I tried so hard to talk to someone about it but I thought I was going crazy. I was scared to tell though in case they thought I was crazy. They already make fun of me because of my cuddly bear.” Radar said then took a deep breath.

Sidney finally managed to get a word in. “What about the nightmares?”

“iv had them since the day we found out about Henry. They got worse though as time goes by. Its like I am there, I see him in the chopper and the sniper hitting and it going down. I see his face and its all burnt like something out of a horror movie. I never woke up screaming before though. I don’t think I have anyway. “

“Why do you think you did last night?”

“Geez I don’t know. I found a photo of us in my desk draw the other day but I don’t think that was it.” Radar paused “Well some of us have been putting together a little something involving some stuff his family sent over. That Could be it.”

“Okay” Sidney paused for a moment. “I think you have not had a chance to deal with his death properly. That grief has manifested itself into your nightmares. When you allow yourself to grieve for him the nightmares will probably stop. You need to deal with it”

“Deal with it. How sir?” Radars face fell.

“Well you have a lot of friends in camp, let them help you. Talk to someone about how you feel. However it looks as though I am going to be around for the forcible future so I want to Continue to work with you. Unofficially. When was the last time you had a break? Not necessarily some r and r but a rest.” Sidney asked.

Radar remained silent for a while. “Too long ago to remember” he answered eventually. He tried to hide a yawn unsuccessfully.

“Get one. Sooner rather than later. Right now though you need some sleep. Stay here away from everything and get some. I am pulling rank on this one!”

“But sir” Radar managed before his eyes closed. He was asleep. Sidney gently removed Radars glasses and left quietly.

 

On his way over to the swamp Sidney  ran into father Macully. “Coronal Potter has been looking for you” The padre said. “He would like you to speak to Major Burns ASAP!”

“Off Course” replied Sidney. The padre altered his hat. “Have you seen Radar? he was in a bit of a state last night. I wanted to see how he was. “ “I have. His asleep in the VIPs tent. I would like it kept that way too, he needs it. That is unless you here screaming from him then get over there. However I think it would be best to leave him for now!” Sidney replied gently. “Oh dear. “ Said the padre. “Of Course.” He Continued. “Speaking of people who has had a rough time have you seen Frank?” Sidney asked.” Try post op.” was Macullys response. “Thanks” said Sidney as they both went their respective ways.

 

 

 

As Doctor Freedman walked into the post op he was forced to duck to avoid a flying bedpan, thankfully an empty one. Klinger and Nurse Bigalow where trying to maintain some order in the chaos. Flagg was trying to interrogate Frank after giving his guards the slip. Donald Pernofscott, whom had tried to get into Margaret’s tent again, was flat out on a bed. He had been decked twice, First of all by Rizzo when Donald had started a fight with Igor in Rosie’s Bar and then By Margaret.  Potter was on the phone trying to reach Icoreget Donald and Flagg discharged on a section 8. Eventually BJ whom had being doing rounds and Klinger managed to physically restrain Flagg. BJ then hauled Flagg into Potters office. Throughout this there was a lot of yelling as Charles treated Donald’s wounds. Bigalow and Klinger set about tidying up the mess.

 

Sidney sighed. He then walked over to a very petulant Frank. “Hi “ He said in way of a greeting. Frank ignored him and rolled over, turning his back on Sidney. Sidney tried again. “How are you?” He asked. That got a response. Frank spun back over “What do you want? “ Frank demanded. “they all thing I am crazy. But I aren’t. There the crazy ones. “ He sneered. “Who are? “ Sidney asked. “The rest of this camp. The folks back home. Everyone is! Its them you should be talking to.” Sidney had to make a snap decision on which route to take next. He decided to go along with what Frank was saying for now. “Well you know its nice to talk to some non crazy people to once in a while. It keeps me from going crazy myself, well that is if you would oblige me.” Sidney replied in his usual deadpan style. “Well that’s different then” was Frank’s response. “I am interested in something. What makes you think everyone else is crazy” Sidney asked. Frank thought for a moment before responding. “There unmilitary. Take Pierce for example. He never follows the rules. He is a disgrace to the uniform of the united states army. Honeycutt is just as bad. Pierce was a bad influence on him. They where always playing tricks on me. Always the butt of everyone else’s schoolboy humour. They aren’t the worst ones though” Winchester had wondered over. “I Could not help overhearing your Conversation. It seems we may have something in Common after all. I am just wondering who the worst is, as you put it,?” Charles said. Sidney already had a feeling of what the answer to Charles question would be. He was proved to be right when Frank responded. “Margaret. I loved her, I truly did and she goes and runs of with him! Look how that turned out!” He practically shouted the last bit. Sidney quickly interjected before Frank did something stupid. He mentally Corrected him, stupider than usual. Both Charles and Sidney Could understand why the rest of the camp disliked him though Sidney also felt a twinge of Sympathy for him. It was true after all that he had partaken in some of the jokes against the one they called Ferret face. “I heard you had quite an adventure last night” Sidney Commented.  Frank was unusually modest for once. “Oh that. It was nothing. I would die for her, I will love her till my dying day but she does not love me. I realise that now. No one loves me!” He looked like he was about to cry. Charles and Sidney exchanged a glance, they where both well out of there leagues. They both looked at the broken hearted Major who had fell from grace with a rather large thud. “Charles, Could you take a look at this” BJ called over He looked like he needed rescuing from that situation and I am at a loss at why this kid still has blood in his liquids. BJ thought. “Gentleman” Charles said with a curt nod as he want over to where BJ was stood with a frown on his usually smiley face. Sidney sighed softly. “Frank I hate to do this but I need to check on one of my patients. I will Come back and talk to you later okay?” “Yeah “Frank responded with a far away look in his eyes. “Thanks for listening” He said after Sidney. It was the first time anyone has without putting me down or making it into a joke. Frank thought sadly. “Hey that’s what I do!” Sidney said softly as he made his way into Coronal Potters office.

 

As he walked through Radars usual lurking place he found Hawkeye and Klinger in the midst of a spat. “Look Captain Pierce, its hard enough to do this without you getting under my feet, now please get out of my way!” Klinger was saying.  “Ah Major Freedman maybe you can take this menace somewhere that is not here!” Hawkeye looked up for the first time noticing Sidney. He had a faraway look in his eye and something was obviously bothering him. “Oh Hi Sidney” he said. “Hi Hawkeye how are you?” “I’m okay I was just thinking” “Do you think you could do it elsewhere? Radars system is hard enough to understand without him moping around as well.” Klinger mumbled. “Okay Klinger I will remove this pest from under your feet. Come with me.” He said to Hawkeye. With that he walked into Sherman’s office, Hawkeye numbly following him. Klinger called after them. “He isn’t in but he said to wait there, both of you. His talking to BJ, I can’t believe you hit Beej, Hawkeye.” That caught Sidney’s attention. He took a seat and Hawkeye stood looking uncomfortable. Sidney spoke first.

“Mind if I enquire what you where thinking about.”

“Nothing much, just about what’s happened the last couple of days. It was quite a scream they cooked up last night.”

“They” Sidney asked confused.

“Well okay Radar ad Margaret. I never saw them like before.”

“Yes well they got quite a scare.”

“We all did. How is the little feller anyways?”

“Radar. His asleep in my tent.”

Hawkeye looked surprised.

“His had a tough time lately. His going to need help getting over it.”

“The nightmares. Well I can relate to that. I could not believe it till I got told last night.” Hawkeye responded with a rueful shake of his head.

“Well like you had nightmares relating to the events that happened around here, there his way of dealing with Henrys death.” Sidney gently said. Hawkeye remained silent. He was taking it all in and he idly played with Sherman’s desk sign. “Why didn’t he tell anyone about it?” He asked, voicing his thought out loud.

“That’s something you will have to ask Radar but don’t force it. I suspect he will tell you when his ready. Did I here Klinger correctly, you hit BJ!”

“Yeah.” Lord I could kill Klinger for saying that. Oh boy I can’t believe I thought that.  What’s happening to me? I can’t believe I hit BJ either Hawkeye thought. Just then Sherman walked into his office with BJ.

“Ah Sidney glad you’re here, I think I need some help getting my head around these twos antics. Sit both of you.” With that both BJ and Hawkeye pulled up a chair and sat at opposite sides of Sidney as far away from each other as possible. BJ had a cut on his face and a big bruise was beginning to form. Both looked mad at each other and Sherman looked peeved.

“Just what the hell is going on here? Normally I wouldn’t get involved in staff spats but when you hit each other in front of most of the personnel then somehow I feel compelled to.”

“I really don’t know, I didn’t think anything was wrong till he hit me.” BJ responded, telling half the truth. He had thought something was wrong but it was his problem and he had not voiced his concerns to anyone.

“Well Pierce?” Sherman demanded.

“He started it. It was him that has been avoiding me ever since Trapper and Frank showed up. In fact he and Margaret have been getting on rather well since they have.”

Sherman and Sidney exchanged a glance.

“It might be wise to ask them three. They might be able to shed more light on the matter.” Said Sidney quietly to Sherman. Otherwise we may be here for some time!”

.”Agreed.” He responded back just as quietly. “Okay you two school boys go wait in the office. Try not to kill each other.” Said Sherman. With that the two former friends walked out. “Klinger!” Sherman shouted.

Klinger walked in. “You squawked sir?”

 “Could you get Margaret, Trapper and Frank in here please? Come to think of it get Charles to. Maybe they can shed some light on our Captains sudden state of stupidity. Do you know what would cause Hawkeye to hit BJ by any chance?”

“Not a clue. The way I figured it would have been the other way around. BJ has been giving Hawkeye and Trapper the chance to get know each other again and so has spent time was Margaret and Charles and Frank in the officers club. Maybe Hawkeye felt left out?” Klinger shrugged. “By the way how is Radar? I never seen him act like that. That was some fit he threw last night” Sherman responded. “He will be okay. Just give a little time for now and if he needs to bend your ear let him!” “Yes sir and sir. You want them folks here now?” “Yes Klinger I do!” With that Klinger left, seconds later an announcement was made for the named personnel to go to the C.O’S office. Within Minutes they where.

 

“What is this about sir?” Margaret asked.

“The two loons sat out there. Can anyone explain what’s caused them to revert to fisticuffs with each other?”

“Maybe I can explain a little” Said Trapper. “Me and Hawkeye where best friends when I was serving here and understandably it was a bit awkward when I returned. However I did notice that Hunnicuttt seemed to be awkward around me, maybe his been trying to avoid me and Hawk was part of the rush. We have been spending time together as much as possible”

“Well BJ did say he was trying to give them two spaces to catch up when I asked him about it. I think it’s more than that. I do wish that they would sort it out soon, spending time in the swamp with them is getting pretty hard to endure.”  Charles offered.

“Maybe they are staging another fight. It wouldn’t be the first time they had when I have been around.” Noted Frank.

“I don’t think so. That punch was really hard, it clearly hurt BJ and Hawkeye looked really annoyed. There has to be something more than meets the eye from Hawkeye’s end. Maybe we should talk to them. “Offered Margaret.

Klinger then piped up from his office. “Err Sirs, MA’AM COLD YOU PLEASE COME OUT HERE PLEASE, NOW!” Klinger sounded scared. “Sirs come on stop it!” Radar said.

The group rushed out to see Hawkeye yet again hit Beej, this time it was hard. BJ went down hard and hit his head of the corner of Radars cot. He didn’t get back up. “Holy Toledo!” Responded Klinger as Charles and Margaret rushed over to BJ. “What happened here this time?” Asked Sherman, anxious. If they got a sudden rush of injured in they may well have problems. He then turned round and realised that he had another two trained doctors on camp and his anxiety switched to BJ. Hawkeye had went white and rushed out of the office. The sounds of him throwing up could be heard just outside the office. “BJ. Is he going to be alright?” Radar asked. BJ came through, “Ouch was his response before he noticed the crowd around him. “I’m okay, honest though I don’t think Hawkeye is.” “I’ll be the judge of that” Said Charles, “Lets get you checked out” With that the group helped him move BJ into post op stunned at what they had just witnessed.

 

Part Nine-Do actions Speak louder than words?

 

 

After he had left Radars office Hawkeye did not want to talk to anybody. He was having a hard time dealing with what had happened. Taking out his feelings had not helped anything; in fact it had probably made him feel about ten times worse. He had no good excuse for his behaviour but the cause was down to his confusion about something. When he had held Margaret the previous night he had felt something he had not felt since Carlyle, his first true love and serious relationship. Sure he had found Margaret to be a very attractive woman, after all he had eyes and was not blind, but his attraction to her had not been as strong as the other night. However with Trapper, Frank and Donald as visitors and his behaviour towards BJ that seriously complicated matters. The issue with Radar with his nightmares also had him worried. He wanted to avoid everyone and everything for a while in till he had thought things through. He went to the officers club and Nursed a beer for a long time and then went up to chopper landing pad.

 

BJ and Charles where in the swamp trying to put the material things back in some sort of order. The animals had long since been removed but the recent chaos had effected them both. BJ had been checked out and was physically fine however both where silently pondering what had happened. BJ was trying to forget what had happened with Hawkeye and his thoughts silently turned to his conversation with Radar last night. He was thinking about how he would cope e with the death of a much loved camp member and having to tell there family about it. He also wondered what would cause behaviour like Flag, Donald and Frank. Charles was considering how badly things could have turned out if his predecessor had not stepped in when he had last night. For all his complaining Charles had learnt to cope e with the circumstances and conditions he had lived in and the people around him. Cope   isn’t the right word for them. Deeply appreciate is more like fitting, not that I would tell them that. Charles though. He was also curious about the one they called Trapper John, Ferret face and Pernofscot. What got him really curious though was why Hawkeye had suddenly started punching out his friend. However curiously they both picked up photographs of there loved ones, in Charles case it was of his sister and Parents and In BJs case it was Peg and Erin. I miss you! They both thought.

 

Klinger was sat in the office coming to terms with Radars system when the man himself walked in. Radar looked upset and the recent events had obviously had an effect on him.

“Hi Radar” Klinger said.

“Hi Klinger. What you doing?”

“Filling in some requisition forms.”

“Oh. That’s my job!” Radar protested.

“Coronal Potter ordered me to fill in for you. How are you doing anyway?”

“Oh okay I guess.” Klinger did not look convinced.

“It was a tough night huh kid. No shame in that, if this place is so terrific then why am I trying to get out” Klinger said, subconsciously touching his clip on earrings to prove his point.

“Hum yeah, I guess your right.” Radar sat down on his bed unsettlingly quiet. Klinger sighed, First nightmares and then now it looked like the silent treatment. He liked Radar and hated to see him like this. However Radar was thinking about what Sidney had said earlier on Aw Shucks, what the heck, and it looks as though the rest of us could use a distraction to. Radar thought.

“Klinger I was wondering if you could help me with something. It would involve a quick trip up to Seoul though. I ran it by Coronal Potter and he give that the okey dokey.”

“Sure sounds interesting if I can help then yeah. What is it?”

Radar explained what he had in mind.

 

Trapper john Macintyre felt depressed. His main reason for being back at the 4o77th was to collect Frank and get him back to the states in one piece. He had also wanted to use the opportunity to catch up with some old friends. However that part was not going so well. Hawkeye his best friend was no where to be found. He had expected him to have changed but he would never have expected him to start hitting people, especially those that he was friends with. He was glad BJ was okay but not glad that Hawkeye had felt the need to hit him. He had now searched everywhere for his buddy and dejectedly walked back to the swamp. In there he found Winchester writing a letter and Hunnicuttt nursing a drink from the still. He walked in and took a deep breath. Hunnicuttt looked up. “Hi Trapper. Want a drink?”

What the hell, the guy is making an effort. “Sure thanks. Have you seen Hawkeye?” That question caught Winchesters attention. Both shook there heads. “Not since he ran out the office.” Winchester said. Trapper sat down on Hawkeye’s cot. “I cant find him anywhere and nobodies seen him. To be honest I am worried.” Both of his current company looked concerned. “That’s odd!” BJ said. “His behaviour today has been odd lets face it.” Winchester said. They all exchanged a glance. “I’ll check with the motor pool and take the low road.” BJ said. “I’ll take the metaphorical high road” Winchester said. Then they exchanged a glance and looked at Trapper. He looks how I feel. Noted BJ. “Come on, we can exchange embarrassing stories about Hawk on the way.” He said to Trapper. That got a smile out of him and so he downed his drink and leapt to his feet. “I have a few doozies to tell!” He said as they left the Swamp.

      

Whilst the three of them where looking for Hawkeye it was actually Radar and Klinger that found him. Hawkeye looked absolutely miserable and was obviously worried. His usual joker persona had disappeared without a trace. The two corporals had walked into the officers club to finalise details about the surprise they where springing on the officers when they found him sat alone.  Klinger and Radar exchanged a glace. “Now there’s somebody who looks as though he has lost his best friend.” Said Klinger. “He may well of done after what happened today, both of them” Radar replied. They waked over to the bar and talked to Igor.  Just then Trapper and BJ walked into the bar, Trapper was gasping for breath between his giggles. “You never! Wow I bet old Ferret face and hot lips loved that one!” “They didn’t find it so funny but after the welcome I had to Korea it sure as hell made me feel better” Radar smiled at the memory of BJs arrival to camp, Klinger looked confused. “Ill fill you on it later on” Radar said to Klinger. “Sounds like a wild story!” “Oh it was, everything that could have happened did. You name it flat tires, land mines, getting shot at and I got a temporary field promotion!” “Now that really does sound like a wild tale!” Klinger remarked. Just then BJ and Trapper noticed Radar and Klinger. They walked over to the bar where Igor was having trouble understanding there request. “Look Igor all we want is the items of this list bringing over to the mess tent tonight. “ Klinger protested. “Hi guys have you seen Hawkeye. He seems to have well disappeared.” Trapper asked. Radar and Klinger pointed over to where their gloomy friend sat. Hawkeye was now hitting the jukebox and was clearly drunk. “His been here most of the afternoon. I was going to attempt to move him but if it came to fisticuffs I am not any match for him. Trust me I would want Major Hollihan here to fight him for me.” Igor said. “Charming” Said the Major in question good naturedly. She had slipped in unnoticed with Charles. Igor lent over to Radar. “I will bring them over if you get rid of him. What time?” Radar sighed “What time will you be finished up after dinner?” He asked. “Around about 8” “half eight then” “okay now you shift him, his been scaring me.” Igor said as he went to wipe the tables down. Margaret looked questioningly at Radar. “What you planning?” Radar gulped again, luckily Klinger stepped up for him. “If you could all just be in the mess tent at half past eight for an unofficial staff meeting as it where. It will all make sense then!” “Well we better move Captain Pierce” Radar said.  The assembled group looked at him. “Not an enviable task” BJ said. “We need to get him sobered up somehow before tonight.” Klinger added. “Again not an enviable task.” Said Charles. “Your right there, I don’t think there’s coffee strong enough in Korea for that” Margaret mused. The group gathered there courage and walked over. Luckily and thankfully Hawkeye was passed out by the time they got over to him. Trapper and BJ picked him up. “I am used to doing this for Frank” Mused BJ, “Really?” said Trapper. “That was usually after the lovely Major knocked him to the ground” Klinger added.  “Seriously! Well some things have changed” Said Trapper with a wink towards Margaret. “Oh shut up. I will go make some strong coffee.” Said the lovely Major in response as she exited. “Lets get him over to the swamp, Radar could you get the doors for us and keep the way clear?” Asked BJ. “Sure Beej. Klinger could you go start on that thing?” “Sure, see you over the mess tent. “Klinger said in response. “What thing?” asked Charles. “Yes okay you will find out tonight “ he answered himself. The group exited carrying Hawkeye between them. Igor breathed more easily as he went to survey the damage Hawkeye had caused.

 

 

 Part Ten Apologies and letters from an old friend

After Klinger had confused everyone, including Frank, Sherman , Father Macully and Sidney into being in the mess tent there was a fair few people in there. As the swamp rats, including a now  almost sober Hawkeye,  arrived they where followed in by Igor, Radar and Zale each carrying something. Igor and Zale carried a tray of drinks where Radar carried a rather large box and a pile of letters. However only two people in the group had a faint idea of what was going to happen tonight. After Zale and Igor left the officers all started talking at Klinger and Radar as  one. “You got us here now what’s going on?” Margaret asked. “This had better be worth it.” Charles commented. “Its bound to be another section eight stunt” Frank added. “If your wasting my time you imbeciles” Charles said. “Now calm down please.” Father Macully pleaded and Sherman finally got everyone quiet by shouting “silence!”

Klinger and Radar exchanged worried Glances. Klinger spoke up first. “First of all this is NOT another stunt. I would never get others involved in my section eight attempts. Second of all I think it will be worth it from the details that I know about and I am now going to hand over to the person who planned this whole thing!” Radar cleared his throat and sighed.

 

“Well I guess you are wondering why you are all here. I would like to thank you all for being here you didn’t have to show up but it makes it easier that you did.. I am sorry for the way I acted last night and keeping some of you awake. Well first of all I wanted to talk to you all. I know some of you where wondering why I never spoke up about my nightmares before. It was hard to say the words “ Radar broke off “ I wrote it down instead.” He passed everyone who was a current resident of the 4077^th an envelope. “I guess those who weren’t here may have heard about what happened, if not this is not the time to ask.” Radar said determinedly. He took another deep breath. “Don’t open those now that was something I wanted to get out of the way and into the open first.” He suddenly sat down shaking. His courage just about gone.

 

 Hawkeye looked up for the first time. Wow if he was big enough to apologise for something that could not be helped then I can also apologise for acting like a jackass. Hawkeye cleared his throat. “Radar if you don’t mind me interrupting there’s something I need to say to. “ “Sure go ahead sir, now’s a good time anyway whilst I sort through these!” With that he and Klinger took pulled the box forward and began to quietly open it and sort through its contents. Hawkeye cleared his throat. “I am just going to come out and say it. I haven’t been myself today for reasons that I cant go into. However that was no excuse for acting like a jackass and taking it out on my friends. I made a big fool of myself in front of most of the camp” He turned to BJ “I am so sorry for hitting you, um twice, I know that there is no way to make it up to you but that is not going to stop me from trying. I um” Hawkeye trailed off. BJ looked at his friend. “Hawk no need to say anymore, we all get effected by this place from time to time, apology accepted.” To back that up he stood up and walked to where Hawkeye was sitting and give him a hug. “Just give me some warning next time I am going to get used as a punch bag okay? “ Hawkeye was so overcome he could not say anything but he did manage to return the hug. When they eventually pulled away BJ turned to Trapper. “I have an apology to make to. When you first got here I was jealous of you. I was scared that with you two been such good buddies last time you where here that you would pick up where you left off and I would be out in the cold. I got to know you though and I got you completely wrong. I apologise for that. “ Trapper looked shocked. “BJ I was jealous of you, I heard how close you and Hawkeye got and I felt out in the cold. If  anyone has to apologise for that its me, I am so sorry to. “ Hawkeye looked up. “You two where jealous of each other. Oh boy I have been a first class idiot, I thought BJ was ignoring me and I was mad at Trapper for not saying goodbye.” With that he stood up and pulled his two best friends into a big hug. This time Trapper was the one feeling ashamed. “I regret doing that. I had Radar call everywhere we could think of to get in touch with you. I stayed around as long as possible before I was forced to leave for the flight home. I really missed you a lot, you made this place bearable for me pulling jokes on people. That’s what kept me going. When I got home it was odd you not being there pulling a wise crack. I would still dive for the floor whenever there was a loud bang. That plus the nightmares terrible enough to make me scream in the night that’s what sent me to that place. that’s partly the reason I came back.” This place really changed me, Louise never recognised me , and I had a real hard time adjusting at first. That was no excuse though.” Trapper said looking ashamed. “What really got me as I am sure  Radar will testify was I missed you at the airport by 10 minutes. 10 lousy minutes. When we drove to Souel to pick up  Beej that’s all I could talk about for a while.” “Its true, after he sobered up from the little adventure the three of us had getting back alive” BJ added. “Yeah , I still cant believe it. Radar ran into a mine field to get that girl!” This time Sherman and Margaret looked shocked. “You did what?” “I didn’t think about it, I just sort of did it!” Radar protested, “Besides it all worked out well I the end!”  “Oh boy I think I am going to start crying, There’s so much that we don’t know about each other still.” Margaret said. “Me too!” said Radar where as everyone else cleared there throats. The three friends eventually pulled away and sat down together.

 

“Well I sorted through this now though it hardly seems appropriate now. “ Radar said. “Oh trust me I think now is a great time for it”  Follows on nicely from what we just been doing” Klinger said as he finished with his pile. “Yeah what is in the box and where did it come from?” Asked Sherman. The two passed a set of envelopes along to the old group of staff at the 4077^th. Radar stood back up. “Those are ones you can open now. They are from Henry, its something I have known about for a while. It was only appropriate that Frank and Trapper are here too for this. The box came from Mrs Blake and Henrys family. It came with strict instructions for it to be opened when I thought the time was right and when drink was available. “  “That seems fitting “ Murmured Trapper. “Come on what’s inn the box?” Said Hawkeye , his usual character returning. “You have to read the notes first” Said Klinger and Radar together. So that’s what they did. They all opened them and began to read them. After a while Radar began to read his out aloud.

 

“Dear Radar,

        I guess if your reading this then something went wrong. I hope you never read this letter, son, but in the event of my death don’t feel bad. Whatever happened was not your fault. You’re a great kid and you are going to go far. You keep on doing a good job looking after the 4077^th. I doubt if it was not for you then the place would not be as efficient as it could be. Also remember to look after your self. You keep out of trouble other wise I am going to come back and kick your ass. I have a good feeling about you , your going far and that talent of yours will see you well.

 Abysima Henry.

P.S there’s something in the box for you all. Make sure that everyone gets there’s.”

 

Hawkeye cleared his throat. “I guess if we are in a mood for sharing then someone has to go next.”

Everyone looked at each other. Sherman began to clear his throat but surprisingly it was Frank who spoke next.

 

“Frank,

If you get this then I guess I am not around anymore. I also figure that at least for a short while you will be in command of the 4077^th. Well if that’s the case I know that you try your best and do a good job of it. You will also try your hardest to make things more military around there. Well good luck in that. I know you and Major Hollihan think I am a drunken fool but I think you may just succeed in keeping the place going. Don’t let anyone give you too hard a time but also give people a chance. I think you know who I mean when I say that. They may just surprise you like you have on occasions me. You have a lot going for you given half a chance, don’t waste it.

Henry.”

 

“Well I guess is two should go next since it was clear Henry meant us” Trapper said. So Hawkeye and Trapper spoke together

 

“Well I know you two are inseparable and so its only fitting that you get copies of the same note. You are fine doctors and exceptional surgeons and both have long careers ahead of you. I might have let you get away with a lot of stuff but be gentle to your new co, Frank or otherwise. Keep an eye on Radar and don’t lead him astray, what’s the use I know you will keep an eye on him anyway. Hawkeye remember what I told you about the rules, you cant save everyone and no one expects you to. That goes for you to Trapper. Look after yourselves okay?”

 

“Margaret,

You are an extradany woman and I have a feeling you are going as high as possible in this mans army. I also know that if the unthinkable happens that you will adapt should it all go wrong. You are an extraordinary Nurse but more important you are an extraordinary woman. I hope someday you will let people past your usual icy exterior. You have a lot of potential friends on camp if you let them in. I wish you all the luck and happiness in the world , if anyone deserves it ,it is you. Give Pierce and Macintyre a chance, they may be jokers but we both know that they are mighty fine doctors to. You are going far Major Hollihan , I have a great feeling about you. Henry. “ This letter made her eyes water and so this time Charles give her a quick hug.

 

“Padre, I know life around here may be tough and you have helped a lot of people cope with the more disturbing aspects of this place. I know tat I am a sinner and possibly a lost cause but you have helped a great deal of people. I only wish you can continue doing so in a more peaceful atmosphere.  I know that I will be eternally grateful for helping this place to function. I wish you all the happiness and success for the future. May peace be with you, Henry. Amen to that!” After Father Macully finished his letter he asked Sherman what his said. Sherman duly responded.

 

“To whomever gets to be the next co of the 4077^th M*A*S*H unit,

If you are reading this then you are in control of the best M*A*S*H unit in Korea. These are a great bunch of people and I hope you look after them well. Captains Pierce and Macintyre, in my case Pierce and Hunnicutt and Major Winchester would be fitting,  are two pranksters but they are also the best surgeons I ever had the honour of working with. Major Burns and Hollihan are military by the letter. Major Hollihan however also does an excellent job of being head Nurse. Words do not do justice to Major Burns as I guess you will discover. However give him a chance. Watch out for a corporal named Klinger. You will spot him a mile away in some fantastic dress. He will do anything for a section eight as his file will testify and I fear you may find out. He has come up with some great attempts in the past. As for our resident padre, father Mulcady, his a great guy who will do anything for anyone, normally without having to be asked. Finally our company Clerk Corporal O’Riley. Everyone calls him Radar for an unusual talent that you will soon find out about. I suspect within a matter of minutes after your arrival. This may be something that you may have to get used to. However he is a fine fellow and an excellent clerk. I should know I trained him myself. I wish you all the best luck in the world whilst stationed at this humble little mash unit.

Coronal Henry Blaymore Blake.

 

Well I could not agree more.” Sherman concluded. “What did yours say Klinger?”

Klinger wordlessly passed his along to Sherman. Sherman read it then laughed. Off everyone’s looks

He held it up. It was a completed section eight form. On the reverse Henry had wrote, as Sherman read out to the group, “I could not leave without completing your request. I am only sorry it is not a valid one however I hope you find a way out someday. Thank you for the laughs Klinger, you are one hell of an interesting guy and its been a pleasure to put up with your crazy antics. Henry!”

 

With that everyone laughed and had a drink. Radar opened the box. In it was several files each with a name on. There was also a one for BJ, Charles, Sherman and Sidney. This was a surprise for the four men. “Now you understand why you got asked to be here to?” Radar asked as he passed out the files. “Yes” They responded.  The box also contained a leather notebook (Henrys war diary), some photographs, and a bunch of letters and two bottles of fine 12 year old scotch. The doctors and Margaret’s file had a list of everyone they treated and what happened to them. The old gang at the 4o77th had details of Henrys recollections of amusing or special events. “He would right home to his family with them. His family worked hard putting them together. The original intention was to present them at a reunion when we all made it home. “ Radar explained. “I sort of carried on what Henry started when he got sent home. It was easy to hide the files, they have been here all along under your noses. When Charles and BJ arrived I started one up for them two with Klinger and Nurse Kellye and Bakers help. For Sidney that was slightly harder but I managed it with a bit of bartering between clerks.” He explained. Inside Klingers was a list of all the section eight stunts he had pulled “so you didn’t repeat them “ Radar said, and Henrys thoughts on them. Radars also contained memoirs and copies of  his first and last reports under Henrys command. The letters where thank you letters from grateful patients. Everyone spent a long time swoping files, reading and talking. They even drank one of the bottles of scotch. It was a bitter sweet feeling the group left the mess tent that night. Radar had a feeling that his nightmares would get better that night. He was not wrong!

 

Part eleven-The morning after the night before.

 

The next day Hawkeye woke up with one hell of a hangover. He had a rough recollection of the previous night’s events but was really foggy on the details. he gingerly tried to sit up but the run started spinning. He found it less painful to lay back down. The rest of the occupants of the swamp were having similar experiences only two of them where not so quiet about it.

“Ow My head, what happened last night?” Frank asked.

“For goodness sake shut up! Your ex hit you whilst she was aiming for Pierce.” Charles replied.

That got Hawkeye’s attention. He half lifted his head up. “Aiming for me , why?” to hell for it, He thought as he sat up fully. hey what did I do that was worthy of a hollihan punch?

“As far as I remember you suggested that you should spend the night round hers. She hit Frank when she was aiming for you and then managed to get you.” Trapper provided.

“I DID WHAT?!” Hawkeye yelled.

“ouch!” Was everyone’s response.

“That was after you showed your butt to her and everyone else. I don’t think I saw Radar go so red before.” BJ added.

Thankfully before the conversation could continue down that particular juncture Radar knocked on the door. “Mail call.” He said looking anxious. He delivered BJ, Hawkeye’s and Charles letters. “Oh I also brought you all some strong coffee. I have a feeling you might need it after last nights events. I sneaked in some aspirins to. May I suggest you take them after you see coronal Potter. He wants to see you all in his office in half an hour. His really mad at you for what happened to Coronal Pernoffscot  last night.” With that he exited but they could here him trying to sniffle his giggles as he crossed the compound.

“Well whatever happened to Donald must have been funny.” Hawkeye asked. “he could barely keep a straight face.”

Seeing Radar sent something slamming in from the darkest recesses of BJs mind. “Did anyone else read his note?” He asked the rest of the group. The collective response was “yeah”. Then “oh poor kid.”, “I cant believe he thought that of me!”, “what are you going to do?” and “gentlemen, someone needs to talk to him” from Hawkeye, Frank Trapper and Charles respectively. Gingerly BJ tried the coffee and instantly regretted it. “Yuck, its worse than usual. I wonder what Sherman wants to see is about?” Trapper thought hard for a moment. “Um folks. I have an idea. Anyone else remember what happened after we drank the contents of the still last night?” They all thought hard. BJ and Charles response was “oh dear!”

 

“Oh Dear really does not even start to cover it.” Announced an angry Sherman Potter 35 minutes later. “I know that you might be mad at him, justifiably so in some cases , however that does not excuse what you all did. Now Sidney is in there trying to pacify him enough to stop him bringing up court marshals against the lot of you! Pernofscot may be a rat but I expected better conduct from you all, drunk or otherwise!” He finally paused for breath. Sherman had just spent the last 5 minutes chewing out Hawkeye, Charles, BJ, Trapper, Klinger, Margaret and Frank. Shouting really did not begin to cover it. It was so loud that Radar had went hiding in the supply tent under the pretence of getting more paper for his report. However Sherman felt he had no choice, what they had done was serious. So serious they may have ended up in big trouble. Big ,Big trouble. He could not emphasise the amount of trouble they where in. But what exactly had they done? That was something Frank, Hawkeye and Margaret where wondering but did not dare ask.

 

 What they had done in there drunken state was this. After leaving the mess tent those in trouble had ended up back at the swamp. They had then drank the entire contents of the still and Charles secret stash of fine wine. In there truly intoxicated state they had read Radars note. (in case your wondering it was a mix of what he had revealed to BJ, Hawkeye and Sidney only written more eloquently that he had spoke it.)  However this had a truly unsettling effect on the group, they had decided to pay Pernofscot a visit. Margaret, the most sober one of the group had sent Nurse Bigalow on a break. The group had then somehow managed to get Donald over to the flag pole after yet again putting him in a full body cast. They had then used the flag to tie him to the pole, dressed him in one of Klingers finest dresses with BJs cap of his dress uniform, and a fully made up face as provided by Hawkeye and Margaret. They had miraculously achieved this without Donald waking up. He was finally woken up when Radar crossing the compound to wake up Sherman had found him. Controlling his giggles somehow he informed Sherman of Donald’s predicament. Sherman had spent the past hour freeing Donald from the Flag pole , dress and cast with help from Radar and two off duty nurses. The make up however was slightly more difficult much to the secret amusement of the group. Sherman had guessed whom may have been responsible and Nurse Bigalow confirmed the group that had entered post op. Radar was then given the unenviable task of waking them up. It was only when he had went to get the coffee of Igor that he finally dared to laugh. Igor whom had seen Donald on his way to the mess tent also joined in and it took the two 10 minutes to calm down, just in time for the coffee to brew. It was Igor who had procured the aspirin for the officers. Whilst that was happening Sidney had found out via Rizzo what had happened and then offered to talk to Donald with a measure of success. He was initially more successful in finding out about his daughter and her mother. The mother was unbelievably called Rosie and both of whom had died. They had been shot by a north Korean soldier whom had since gone AWOL.. He was adamant that he wanted the group punished though preferably via Court marshals. Sidney managed to get him to change his mind when he reminded Donald of his own impending court marshal and his recent antics. He then agreed to drop the charges but still wanted the group punished. Sidney himself thought that his embarrassing situation was poetic justice but kept that thought to himself. He was forced to when Donald started screaming as he remembered that his court marshal was that very afternoon. The screaming allowed the disgraced group to slip out of the office as Sherman went to sedate the screaming Coronal. Just in time for the MP’S that had arrived to collect Donald for the previously noted court marshal. As the group watched Donald leave in a straight jacket and a full make up job Radar finally reappeared and tried to sneak back in his office. However he never made it that far when the group spotted him.

 

Part Twelve, Never a truer word spoken.

 

 “Hey Radar can we have a word?” Asked Hawkeye. Radar gulped. That was the last thing he wanted to do, in fact given a choice between facing that group so soon after there ticking off or dealing with a pack of north Korean armed with very big guns he would have picked the Koreans. Well maybe not that drastic a choice. He thought to himself. Come on think of a good excuse quick. Holy smokes mind freeze hush. Best deal with them then. He finally decided. He took a piece of chewing gum out of his pocket, chewed on it for a moment or to, sighed and then replied. “sure. What about sirs, Ma’am?” He already suspected what but he was trying to stall as long as possible. The group all knew about his habit of chewing gum when he was scared and so BJ took charge. “Come on , how about I buy you a Grape Neih.” He gently turned Radar in the direction of the officers club and lead him over. The rest of the group shrugged there shoulders, glanced at each other and followed them.

 

Igor sighed when he saw the group that walked into the officers club. Charles, BJ, Radar, Sherman, Hawkeye, Frank, Margaret , Klinger and Trapper all trouped over to the bar. They where quickly joined by Father macully and Sidney. Most of them looked hangover despite the coffee he and Radar brewed up this morning. However he used the opportunity to present there respective bar bills and ask what they would like to drink.

“Scotch with soda” said Margaret and Hawkeye.

“Whiskey” said Sherman

“Brandy” requested Charles.

“Dry Martini” was Trapper’s drink of choice.

“Beer and a grape Nehi” requested BJ.

Everyone else ordered Beers to.  Then Charles did something un Charles like. He  said “Put them all on my tab.” Everyone looked shocked. “I insist.” “Okay sir” Replied Igor before Charles could change his mind. Well he always pays his bar tab on time! Was Igors thought on the matter. After Igor had delivered everyone’s drinks they pushed two tables together and crowded around.

 

Sherman opened up the conversation with “That incident with Donald will have to go on your records. No exceptions!” He quickly added when he saw people open there mouths to protest. “Other than that I am willing to let the matter slide.”

“Yes sir, thank you” Was the perpetrators response.

“By the way Winchester just what was in that syringe of Flags?”

“Oh yes that. Well it was a mixtures of Morphine, sleeping pills and sedatives. Enough to knock someone out for a long time but not to cause any real damage. The effects would be similar to chloroform. “ He said. “There is a copy of the report waiting on your desk.” He added.

“Good , I will need that to send to icore.” Sherman said.

“Well that combined with his other actions would be enough to earn him a section eight and some time with some of my colleagues across the states. It appears he took his daughters death pretty hard.” Sidney said.

Margaret went white at the mention of the daughter’s death. “her death?” She exclaimed. Sidney nodded.

“Yes the mother and daughter where both killed. Apparently they where killed by an awol North Korean soldier. However I have no way to confirm that one way or another.” Sidney supplied.

“First of all he has a two year old he never bothered to mention. Then He comes over here to visit them. No wonder our marriage was such a great success.” To back up her point she took an empty beer bottle and through it very hard across the room. It narrowly missed Igor who had reacted just in time and wisely decided that it would be safer for him to be anywhere but there.

“Want to talk about it?” Sherman asked.

“Yeah there’s a bunch of sympathetic ears here if you do” Hawkeye added. She was shaking with anger but shook her head no.

“That seems to be a common theme around here. Not talking about things that are bothering us that us.” Charles said as he turned to face Radar. “I can understand why certain people seem unapproachable but everyone needs to get their feelings of the chests at some point.”

“I think what the bug lug here, in his own unique way, is trying to say is that we should not keep things to our selves. No matter how strange or trivial or bizarre they may seem. This place is enough to drive anyone crazy, it gets to everyone at times. Hell I admit it when I think back to my own  horror movie in my sleep I feel stupid for not saying something and talking to someone about them sooner. they may not have been so bad if I had.” Hawkeye added.

“Gee sirs, do you really mean that?” Radar asked.

“Indeed I think they do. I am sure everyone here would say the same thing and needs to bend someone’s ear at some point. “ Sherman said.

Everyone nodded there agreements.

“well if every unit out here had the same attitude I would see less patients.” Sidney said with a smile.

“Now before anyone else starts keeping me awake screaming in the night,” (BJ)

“Or starts hitting there best friends “(Hawkeye)

“Or cries themselves to sleep at times” (Margaret)

“or writing horrible things to the ones they love” (Charles)

“Or literally drives themselves insane” (Sidney)

“Or feels that there only friend on camp is some dumb toy bear” (Radar)

“Or starts wearing dresses because they really are Crazy" (Klinger)

“Or uses the still as a crutch to survive out here” (Trapper)

“Is there anything anyone wants to talk about?” Everyone said at once with a smile.

There was a lot. Radar talked about how much he missed Henry, something which a lot of people related to. Margaret discussed her anger at Donald and at times the male population in general, Frank about how he felt everyone ignored him and dismissed him as a fool, Trapper again at how guilty he felt about not saying goodbye properly the first time around. Those who where married or in relationships talked about how they felt there relationships might suffer. BJ especially about how he regretted missing Erin growing up and not spending that much time with his wife before he got sent out here. Those who where single discussed how lonely they felt. Everyone drew the conclusion that war was horrible, lousy and just caused suffering. They also agreed that it was alright to go crazy once in a while. Everyone left the officers club much later knowing that someone else understood there personal problems and worries and the group was much closer as a result. BJs initial fears about his relationship proved to be unfounded as the three of them got on really well. In fact BJ was going to write to peg to get her to meet Trapper of the plane when he reached the states. Everyone swapped memories about pranks that had been pulled, stories about loved ones and generally just talked. A lot of hugs where also shared and some tears shed but so where a lot of laughs. Their current circumstances may not have been ideal but they all agreed that the people that they where surrounded by where “the finest kind” As Hawkeye phrased it.

 

 

 

EPILOGUE

 

The events of the past few days had a huge on all those that where involved in them. Donald as Sidney correctly guessed did end up being treated in a psychiatric care home. Margaret wrote him a long letter at Hawkeye’s suggestion and got all her feelings about her ex husband Of her chest. She decided that she did not need to send it, she felt she didn’t need to. Hawkeye and Indeed Radars nightmares became less real and Radar also stopped keeping things bottled up. Radar also eventually replaced the innocent animals with a bit of sneakiness on the part of Hawkeye Klinger and BJ. Trapper and Frank returned to the states a few days later and kept in regular contact with the 4077^th via letters and the occasional phone call. They all spent them blissfully quiet few days catching up and getting to know each other and also making new friends there. Sidney also stayed around for the next few days and continued to talk to both Radar and Frank (He eventually excepted that he needed help and Sidney was only to pleased to provide it.) Although Henry may have dies his letters and gifts from hi family greatly boosted a lot of people’s spirits during harder times. The 4077^th maintained its record as the best M*A*S*H unit in Korea. The residents past and present remained firm friends even after they returned home. As for that pesky Coronal Flagg. Well who knows what happened to him!

 

THE END!